Phaytea’s Pulse is participating in the A to Z Challenge for April 2018. The Theme is ‘Building and Sustaining a Meaningful Relationship’ and ‘Assumptions in a Relationship and Ways to Avoid It’ is our entry for letter A. This challenge will run for 26 days in April except Sundays. Please stop by the blog daily for subsequent posts as we read the letters of the alphabet together. Enjoy.

Most love stories begin with this narrative – Boy meets Girl, Boy likes Girl, Boy tells Girl, Girl thinks about it and they start to brew a friendship. This is the usual cycle, but it does not guarantee a successful relationship.

Presently, the narrative is gradually changing as ladies now take the first step when they meet someone they fancy. While the decision to speak up is all based on our individual choice, it is good to know that whoever picks the role to ‘ask first’ is working towards a goal which is starting a relationship.

The level of relationship now depends on how much effort is channelled into being available, paying attention to likes and dislikes, making an effort to accommodate differences and a whole lot of other factors. However, one major determinant of a successful relationship that cannot be overlooked is the level of commitment. Both partners MUST be on the same page with regards to what the relationship entails.

Will there be a future together? Friends with benefits? Just really good friends? How long do we remain just friends? What happens when you start to want more?

Before commitments come into play, it is important to understand the kind of relationship you are about to brew. The Foundation of a relationship should never be built on Assumptions as this gradually leaves cracks on the wall until the relationship finally falls apart.

Assumptions are dangerous, it ruins a once perfect relationship, it ruins great friendships, it is unhealthy, it pushes you to make uninformed decisions, it leaves you bitter and with regrets.

This reminds me of the once trending stories about the ladies who proposed to their boyfriend publicly and got turned down. It leaves one in awe trying to understand how a lady decides to propose to a man but you’re even more surprised when the man being proposed to rejects the proposal. This can only happen when both parties are not on the same page. One party is acting based on assumptions and the other is probably being deceitful.

It is insane the things we hear that gows on in relationships but it is real story will be here for you to ponder on. Let’s try to understand how Assumptions are bad for any relationship at all.

From being married to staying just friends or even a member of the family, no individual has the ability to fully read minds. Expecting a partner or friend to know what you are thinking about is like fishing in troubled waters.

The effects of making assumptions in a relationship should not be entirely bad if it is handled correctly. I believe assumptions work closely with our instincts but the outcome is based on how we react to a situation.

Ways To Avoid Assumptions In Relationship

Communicate – Talk about everything. Your expectations as an individual, your immediate needs, financial status, your expectations as a couple, your priority, your current situation. It allows both party know the exact situation of things.

Avoid hasty judgement – Do not react on impulse. Always be proactive. Take a deep breath before you react. You cannot assume you know the true situation of an issue when you have not had a conversation with your partner.

Ask Questions – If you need to be clear on an issue, ask questions. Asking does not guarantee a genuine answer but I will like to believe that two grown adults will be mature enough to have honest conversations.

Avoid Comparism – Comparism has been tagged the thief of Joy and this is true. Do not compare your relationship with others. Do not compare your current partner to a previous partner

Avoid Third Party Opinion in your Relationship – He said, she said, they said, I heard…. Hearsays are one of the most dangerous triggers for assumptions. There might be an atom of truth but it messes with your mind if you are inclined to pay attention to third party all the time.

Avoid Insecurities – Build your self-esteem. Low self-esteem makes one feel like there is always some kind of competition going on. Try to pick warning signs but attacking your partner constantly is not advised. An Idle mind makes you think up stories so work towards a project or a job.

Do Better – This takes conscious effort from both partners. Work on trusting more, be better at your behaviour, availability, gestures and commuication. Mend the loopholes your assumptions have made. Reinforce as a couple to maintain and sustain your relationship.

Relationships are experienced differently so while you think couple A looks like the perfect picture, you probably have no idea what went on behind the scene. It is important to act based facts than on assumptions. Asides, giving you an edge, you also have less worry and a more peaceful life.

Share your thoughts

How do you react when you have Assumptions?

I will like to read from you